We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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