I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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