1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
