White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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