Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
