Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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