I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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