I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
