just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
