Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
