Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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