Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
