Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
