Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
