It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
