Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
