Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
