One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
