I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
