got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
