im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
