No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
