There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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