I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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