omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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