best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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