Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
