Small penises have feelings too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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