Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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