I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
