just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
