I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The air taste purple.
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