Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize