I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
