So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
