Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
