hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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