yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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