She even gives head with a lisp.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
