you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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