You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize