question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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