Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
