i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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