The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You're completely useless in the revolution.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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