I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
