Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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