Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
