Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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