Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
