Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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