It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
