i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
