what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They have beer where we have blood.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
