I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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