ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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