Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
