opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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