I think i peed on brittanys purse
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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