my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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