the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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