I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
