I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
