I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
