I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
