My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
