I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We got so high we made milksteak
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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