just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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