I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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