Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
