i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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