You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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