Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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