i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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