In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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