I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The beer is more important than you right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
